I am still a bit in oblivion. I choose it subconsciously. It keeps me frosty. I stand tall. I thrive. I live. I plan to live for a very long time until I am eighty years old. I need to grow old with this new life I have been blessed. I rather move forward and soldier on than recollect how I have come close to the end.
I know now that wishes do come true, even if they mean one's demise. I also come to know that prayer works. And that, miracle is the end-product of hope.
Hope. I always do not get it. I know love. I know faith. But hope, I am lost in determining its precepts. Then what happened to me has happened. I learn my lesson the hardest way possible.
I know those who have prayed (still praying) for me do not hold me indebted, but I am grateful everyday. Just thinking about them makes my heart flutter; my spirit and soul rejoicing. A strange kind of joy, a good one though.
I have heard somewhere (more like from another K-Series) that oblivion is God's blessing. I believe so too. I want to make new wonderful memories. I only want to remember the best of the past. Perhaps that is why I keep seeing these parallelisms on TV. I know they are just utter projections. Maybe, just so maybe, they are just cosmic reminder –– to recall only those which make me smile. For example, Edong, my ex-boyfriend who has always told me that I am beautiful. I think he is bullshitting at first. But then, by the way he looks at me, it feels somewhat how I stare at a beautiful painting –– pure appreciation of the aesthetics. Also, he has contacted me twelve years later, and tells me that I am the one who got away. Imagine that. Have I loved him? Not really. He is just too good to be true for me in an ordinary way. He is an eye-candy, but I am more attracted to what the mind could offer. He likes to talk about the weather. I like to talk about stuff I like talking about. A fundamental reason why I married my husband.
Anyway, I think, for this new life, I have created a memory bin. A void. An oblivion. There goes those which I consider a waste of mental space.
These are better times now,
sC