Lost Dreams and that Epiphany

I should always have my journal tools on my bedside, so I could easily capture moments from my dreams. It's different these days. I may wake up remembering names, scenes and reasons, but they are often lost among morning routines and errands for the day. Saying that, I wonder if there are people out there like me, who keep tabs on their dreams. I am curious of how they understand their dreams. Do they believe in their dreams like I do? 

I believe I exist somewhere else. Perhaps another time or another space. This life here and now is where or when I rest. I mean, sort of, because how does being a full-time mother become a version of relaxation and recreation? Well, I have gotten over maternal worries and stress as I move on to ironclad acceptance. I guess I am walking in the park as to my actual job somewhere or some time. 

I often wonder why – despite my capacity for success – I feel like this is just it for me. I have all which versatility could ever imagine, but hey, I am just biding my time here as 'mum'. Nothing wrong with it. I am proud of my little person. The fact that he is in love with me, and wants to marry me. I must have done something right. 

Somewhere out there and not here, my job describes me as a soldier or a warrior of a sort. A very taxing career. I say, my duties include protection, reconnaissance, extraction, elimination, etc., etc. almost like an action movie. Sometimes it has a tinge of romance. Though in multiple occasions, my marital status is valid there as much as it is here. Imagine that! Talking about divine knot. 

I feel like I am justifying because I am a below-average homemaker. I have chosen this position for sure. I may not be actually contributing to this reality and its society, but somewhere else I hold such an indispensable post. I am proud of my accomplishments. Both there and here.

_____

Anyway that epiphany, just so maybe like maybe maybe the universe has answered me. After all these years, I still need any kind of closure, even though I know most of the time there is none at all. There is just that, like a story written badly. At least, I would know the definition of the relationship and why it has ended without me knowing, right? Like what the fuck was that? Still, I ask such wtf for fucking years. Like fuck.

Like I have said, the universe never fails and tells me off via TV. I understand now about the fuck was that. I get that closure is just a delusion of grandeur. And that, I should be in this moment, especially with my wonderful son.

Then again, I bet he is going to be in my dreams next few days. I mean, I just pick and choose the nights worth writing about. Perhaps out of boredom. Maybe laziness. Whatever.

Full moon, hear, hear!

sC